First Kill

Darkness closes on my soul
and the things that watch from the edge
that have often come to me in my dreams
turning them to nightmares
creep forth to do battle with the thick
masonry of comfortable rationalizations
which protect my mind from
thoughts and ideas lurking in the mists
of unrealized truths chilling the heart
whenever I dare to suspect

the emptiness

but it is too much now and
before I can begin to quiet my thoughts
before I can turn my mind inward hoping
to repel the invaders that
threaten to tear down brick by brick my
tower of sanity upon which my conscious
mind balances precariously
before I can do anything at all to stop
I learn that it is already too late for
there is blood in my mouth.

-Sean Hastings 1988